I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
