vagina is talking i cant
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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