The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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