I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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