Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
