Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
