she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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