It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
