You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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