you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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