A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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