Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
