he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Damn victory sex feels great
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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