he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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