you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
