Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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