I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You pole danced in your parka.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
