I think i peed on brittanys purse
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
