Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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