I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
