We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
