Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
