She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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