yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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