Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
