I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
