the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
