I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize