she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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