i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
