i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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