Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Randomize
