im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
