I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
