It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The uberlube is also flammable
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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