He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We just shotgunned beers for America
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
