are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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