I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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