Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
