Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
