You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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