C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
People in love make me want to vomit
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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