Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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