The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
