I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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