this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
