i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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