kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
