omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
