why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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