Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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