The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
