My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
