i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
