My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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