Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
