i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
