Jerry, you need to find god
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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