so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
