I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
