If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Jerry, you need to find god
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
