i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
