I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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