Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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