we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
