I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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