So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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