Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
