the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
