my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
